March 18, 2010

• I know I have been MIA for some time.  I tend to spend most of my time of Facebook.  However, there really isn't the opportunity to blog there, and I am feeling the need to journal.  There is a spot where I could do what I am about to write... but since this is not under my real name, and the information may be used later, I figured this is a good place to write my thoughts down.  Besides, I like that I can access this from any computer, unlike writing a word document.

  I am going to write about recent events, and its impact on my emotional and physical well being.  I apologize now if this gets too lengthy.

  I began my maternity leave on 2/8.  I enjoyed my first week home alone with our 2 yo.  I took her with me to my appointments, so that she could begin to feel comfortable at the hospital.  On my first appointment she freaked out, saying "no booboos" the entire time.  But after she got a cup of ice and stickers, she knew the routine well by the next appointment.

  On Friday, 2/12, my friend, and now neighbor invited us to join her and her two boys at SeaWorld.  B and I had been talking for a while about getting season passes, and figured this was as good of a time as any.  So I purchased season passes for the two of us (J is still free), and got a second year free!  My friend and I had a wonderful time with the kids, and I had made plans with B to go back on Sunday so he could enjoy it as well.

  The remainder of our weekend plans also included pulling out the bassinet, taking care of some errands, and spending time with J at the park on Saturday riding the trains.  We wanted to cram in as much as we could while the weather was great, and before the baby was to arrive.

  Saturday started off with me discovering I had pink eye, so I went to the urgent care clinic in the morning.  Before leaving I had taken everything out of my car, including J's car seat.  The plan was to get the car cleaned out so I could put the new baby seat in.  After my appointment I drove over to the car wash, and pulled into the line of cars waiting to be vacuumed by the attendants.

  That is the last thing I remember.

  I had flashes of the ambulance, flashes of the ER.  I knew something wasn't right, and I was trying to fight it.  In the ER I remember someone "ripping out" my cartilage earing in my left ear.  I remember asking for water or ice because I felt dehydrated and was told "no."  I also remember trying to take off the neck collar.  All the while, knowing something was wrong.

  My mental status slowly began to improve once I was transferred to a private room.  I remember being asked to transfer myself from the gurney bed to the hospital bed.  I asked if they had a Hoyer Lift or a Hover Mat.  I was told no.  Some how I made it to the bed.

  After some time I had learned that I was in a car accident.  Shortly after I pulled into the line at the carwash, an elderly driver slammed on her accelerator thinking it was the brakes.  Her Mazda Miata slammed into my car, forcing both airbags to deploy, and forcing my car to hit the vehicle in front of me.  There was minimal front end damage to my car, but apparently I blew out the rear windows of the other car.  The rear damage to my car was extensive, and we learned yesterday that my car was a total loss by the insurance company.

  I had been considered a trauma patient, and was taken via ambulance to Sharp Memorial (even though I was just a few miles from Kaiser... where I work and have insurance).  Once I was stable, and after several tests were ran, I was transferred to Sharp Mary Birch for further observation.  The baby was placed on a monitor for movement and heart rate.  I was having mild contractions, but not dilated.

  I spent the night at Sharp Mary Birch.  Sometime during the night, while being escorted by the nurse to the bathroom, I felt and heard something "pop" on my chest, just below my right breast.  I then had a sharp and sudden pain.  I let the nurse know, and she told me that the x-rays had shown no chest fractures.  During the rest of the night and into the next day I would get frequent sharp pains in the same area, mostly when movement was involved.  I also learned that I had a bump on my right side of my forehead and on the back of my head on the left side.  Not to mention bruises and abrasions on my chest.

  I was discharged on Sunday, and endured the painful ride home.  I was home for about 5 hours before the pain became so severe, I told B that I needed to go back to the emergency room.  We got family to take me, so he could stay home with J.  We were both prepared to have the baby delivered within the next 24 hours due to my rib pain.

  After many hours in the ER I was told that I do have fractured ribs.  The doctor did not see anything on the x-ray, however rib fractures are sometimes hard to detect.  However, based on her clinical findings (does it hurt when I press here), she felt that they are indeed fractured.

  Since my arrival home on Sunday, I have had to sleep in the recliner down stairs.  I can not sleep in my own bed due to the pain and discomfort of my ribs, as well as my head injuries.  B had to take Monday off from work, without pay, to make sure I made it to my follow up appointments, as well as make sure I was taken care of.  We also had to make arrangements for the week for J to go to child care, which was not planned at all.

  I have also been struggling with depression.  The pain has been preventing me from being the kind of mom J needs me to be.  I can't even change her diaper right now, much less spend the quality time I had planned for this week.  I feel miserable each time I have to farm her out to her day care, because I can't do it myself.

  I am struggling with the loss of my car.  I had it for the last 7 years.  It had lots of miles on it, and I was looking forward to the day it would reach 200,000 miles.  We brought Sarah and J home from the hospital in that car, and we were looking forward to bringing R home in it as well.

  J has been telling me to "get better mommy," as well as "stop crying," when the pain gets too bad.  This has impacted my 2 yo as well!  Tonight she was looking me over and kissing my booboos.

  Well, I am getting ready to sleep on the recliner once again, while my family sleeps upstairs.  Thankfully, I still feel baby R moving around.  So far my doctor wants to wait until the 25th to deliver her.  This will give me more time to heal.  We will know more tomorrow morning at my next appointment.

  Thanks for reading it this far... I know it was a long one.

  • 1:48 am
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