I was just thinking about how much I missed Xanga, especially the blogs I used to write.  There was something about being able to write about the events in our lives, our thoughts, etc, and have our friends “listen to us.”  Yes, I have become a facebook convert, and spend way too much time on there.  Of course it doesn’t help that I can access it from my phone, and see how everyone is doing.

But sometimes it is just nice to blog about what is on our minds.  So on the evening of my birthday, I have lots on my mind.  Overall it was a great day, but one thing keeps tugging at my heart.  My beautiful 3 year old telling me in a sad voice, “I can’t dance, my teacher said no.”

We enrolled her in preschool in April, so that she can have the opportunity to socialize with other kiddos her age.  She still goes to her regular “child care,” which is provided by my best friend’s mom.  She doesn’t watch any other children, so it is kind of like going to grandma’s house.  We have J in preschool for half days only, and in June we increased her from 2 days to 3 days.  It is a financial stretch for us, but we are willing to make sacrifices for our children.

But here is where I feel my “mama bear” coming out.  During the summer the preschool does different activities, that cost additional $$.  One of those activities is dance.  There is a special dance studio that comes to the preschool on Wednesday mornings, and teaches the kiddos to dance.  Of course, they charge.  They have an enrollment fee.  They want the kids to have ballet shoes and tap shoes.  We just can’t afford it right now.

Last week they allowed J to dance with the group.  She had a blast, as she truly loves to dance.  Even the regular preschool staff noted that she was doing great.  I had initially spoken with the director, saying that we want her to participate, but we just can’t justify the extra $$ right now.  I was reassured that there were other kids that weren’t going to participate, that our daughter would be fine.

Not today.  Today my daughter was heart broken that she couldn’t dance.  She said her friends were able to go and dance, but she couldn’t.  She said that she had to sit and read and then take a nap.

Hubby is mad enough that he wants to pull her out of the preschool.  I don’t want to act so drastically, but I am rather upset over this.  Families are all paying a premium to have their children at this preschool.  Either this service needs to be offered to everyone, or at a later time when most children wouldn’t be there.  10:45 in the morning is just too difficult for those who can’t afford it.  I am going to sit down and talk with the director tomorrow, even if it means I am late to work.

Still experiencing pain and discomfort.  It has been 7 days since the accident.  My ribs still hurt, and I still am sleeping on the sofa recliner.  My left hand hurts from the IV, still!  And the back left side of my head hurts.  Thankfully, still no whiplash!  I have had that before, and it took a long time to heal.  Maybe because I never saw it coming and didn’t have the chance to tense up.

I changed J’s diaper today for the first time since the accident.  Thankfully she worked with me, and it was just wet.  I still need help with caring for her, and that is driving me nuts. 

But today I am focusing on R’s arrival.  Marian, who provides daycare for J, is here helping me sort through J’s clothes.  We are moving all of her 24 mos/2-T into her room, she is bagging all the smaller clothes, and I am sorting through the new clothes from the shower.  She will help me wash all the newborn clothes, and get them organized.  For the most part I have been sitting in the chair directing. 

Finally, today I got a picture of the actual accident.  I think it is from the police report.  Wow, is about all I can say!

Yes, my car is the blue one with the Red Miata crammed up its butt.

I know I have been MIA for some time.  I tend to spend most of my time of Facebook.  However, there really isn’t the opportunity to blog there, and I am feeling the need to journal.  There is a spot where I could do what I am about to write… but since this is not under my real name, and the information may be used later, I figured this is a good place to write my thoughts down.  Besides, I like that I can access this from any computer, unlike writing a word document.

I am going to write about recent events, and its impact on my emotional and physical well being.  I apologize now if this gets too lengthy.

I began my maternity leave on 2/8.  I enjoyed my first week home alone with our 2 yo.  I took her with me to my appointments, so that she could begin to feel comfortable at the hospital.  On my first appointment she freaked out, saying “no booboos” the entire time.  But after she got a cup of ice and stickers, she knew the routine well by the next appointment.

On Friday, 2/12, my friend, and now neighbor invited us to join her and her two boys at SeaWorld.  B and I had been talking for a while about getting season passes, and figured this was as good of a time as any.  So I purchased season passes for the two of us (J is still free), and got a second year free!  My friend and I had a wonderful time with the kids, and I had made plans with B to go back on Sunday so he could enjoy it as well.

The remainder of our weekend plans also included pulling out the bassinet, taking care of some errands, and spending time with J at the park on Saturday riding the trains.  We wanted to cram in as much as we could while the weather was great, and before the baby was to arrive.

Saturday started off with me discovering I had pink eye, so I went to the urgent care clinic in the morning.  Before leaving I had taken everything out of my car, including J’s car seat.  The plan was to get the car cleaned out so I could put the new baby seat in.  After my appointment I drove over to the car wash, and pulled into the line of cars waiting to be vacuumed by the attendants.

That is the last thing I remember.

I had flashes of the ambulance, flashes of the ER.  I knew something wasn’t right, and I was trying to fight it.  In the ER I remember someone “ripping out” my cartilage earing in my left ear.  I remember asking for water or ice because I felt dehydrated and was told “no.”  I also remember trying to take off the neck collar.  All the while, knowing something was wrong.

My mental status slowly began to improve once I was transferred to a private room.  I remember being asked to transfer myself from the gurney bed to the hospital bed.  I asked if they had a Hoyer Lift or a Hover Mat.  I was told no.  Some how I made it to the bed.

After some time I had learned that I was in a car accident.  Shortly after I pulled into the line at the carwash, an elderly driver slammed on her accelerator thinking it was the brakes.  Her Mazda Miata slammed into my car, forcing both airbags to deploy, and forcing my car to hit the vehicle in front of me.  There was minimal front end damage to my car, but apparently I blew out the rear windows of the other car.  The rear damage to my car was extensive, and we learned yesterday that my car was a total loss by the insurance company.

I had been considered a trauma patient, and was taken via ambulance to Sharp Memorial (even though I was just a few miles from Kaiser… where I work and have insurance).  Once I was stable, and after several tests were ran, I was transferred to Sharp Mary Birch for further observation.  The baby was placed on a monitor for movement and heart rate.  I was having mild contractions, but not dilated.

I spent the night at Sharp Mary Birch.  Sometime during the night, while being escorted by the nurse to the bathroom, I felt and heard something “pop” on my chest, just below my right breast.  I then had a sharp and sudden pain.  I let the nurse know, and she told me that the x-rays had shown no chest fractures.  During the rest of the night and into the next day I would get frequent sharp pains in the same area, mostly when movement was involved.  I also learned that I had a bump on my right side of my forehead and on the back of my head on the left side.  Not to mention bruises and abrasions on my chest.

I was discharged on Sunday, and endured the painful ride home.  I was home for about 5 hours before the pain became so severe, I told B that I needed to go back to the emergency room.  We got family to take me, so he could stay home with J.  We were both prepared to have the baby delivered within the next 24 hours due to my rib pain.

After many hours in the ER I was told that I do have fractured ribs.  The doctor did not see anything on the x-ray, however rib fractures are sometimes hard to detect.  However, based on her clinical findings (does it hurt when I press here), she felt that they are indeed fractured.

Since my arrival home on Sunday, I have had to sleep in the recliner down stairs.  I can not sleep in my own bed due to the pain and discomfort of my ribs, as well as my head injuries.  B had to take Monday off from work, without pay, to make sure I made it to my follow up appointments, as well as make sure I was taken care of.  We also had to make arrangements for the week for J to go to child care, which was not planned at all.

I have also been struggling with depression.  The pain has been preventing me from being the kind of mom J needs me to be.  I can’t even change her diaper right now, much less spend the quality time I had planned for this week.  I feel miserable each time I have to farm her out to her day care, because I can’t do it myself.

I am struggling with the loss of my car.  I had it for the last 7 years.  It had lots of miles on it, and I was looking forward to the day it would reach 200,000 miles.  We brought Sarah and J home from the hospital in that car, and we were looking forward to bringing R home in it as well.

J has been telling me to “get better mommy,” as well as “stop crying,” when the pain gets too bad.  This has impacted my 2 yo as well!  Tonight she was looking me over and kissing my booboos.

Well, I am getting ready to sleep on the recliner once again, while my family sleeps upstairs.  Thankfully, I still feel baby R moving around.  So far my doctor wants to wait until the 25th to deliver her.  This will give me more time to heal.  We will know more tomorrow morning at my next appointment.

Thanks for reading it this far… I know it was a long one.

I think this may have been the longest I have gone without writing a blog.  I do mean to sit down and write, but can hardly find the time.  We have been so busy getting ready for the baby, keeping up with regular daily stuff, and keeping up with J.

We have emptied out our computer room, which will soon be J’s room.  Multiple trips to Goodwill, lots of trash, and several things going on Craig’s List.  We finally emptied the last item out of the computer room yesterday.  It was our large computer desk, which I greatly miss now.  It is in the garage… for the one day when we can buy a house.  Meanwhile, I had to clean out two file drawers and have the items in just one small file drawer.  I think I have done more shredding today than Enron has!

Today B scraped the popcorn off the ceiling and painted it.  We are both exhausted, and are incredibly sore.  We still have lots of work to do, and are hopeful that people will actually help us out.  Thus far, help has been limited.  So we have been working very slowly.  I just don’t have the stamina any more.

B still enjoys his job.  He is considering taking the exam to become an underwriter.  My job is going well.  My boss is cracking me up about going on maternity leave.  Needless to say, as long as I have coverage, he doesn’t care when I go.

J continue to wonder an amaze us.  She turned 23 months on Friday.  She is completely boy crazy.  Beyond boy crazy.  Some friends of ours moved into our cul de sac, and they have two boys ages 6 and 8.  She calls them her boys, and has a fit when she can’t see them.  She went to their place Friday night so we could see some people B used to work with.  She would not eat her dinner… crying from the moment I took her out of the car until we actually walked her over to see her boys.  We are in some serious trouble!  B is already talking about getting a gun!

Pregnancy is rolling along nicely.  I am struggling with getting sick all the time.  Go figure, your immune system is lowered when your pregnant so your body doesn’t reject the baby.  And at a time when you can’t take anything to help you feel better.

Hope everyone has a great New Year!

I have been keeping up on my friend’s blogs.  Most of them start with something along the lines of, “I have been neglecting Xanga.”  It seems like everyone is either too busy, or spends all their time on Facebook (aka Crackbook).

A lot has happened.  I figured I would go back to Halloween…  Jaiden was Snow White, and was absolutely adorable.  She was even agreeable to having pictures taken of her holding a red apple.  Even took a bite of it when prompted!

We had purchased a new dishwasher, and it was scheduled to arrive between 5-9 in the evening on Halloween.  We had just begun trick or treating when the Home Depot guys showed up.  So Brian stayed behind while I took Jaiden.  When she realized people were putting candy in her bag, she really got into it!  She would walk up to each door and say, “more.”  When we would leave I tried to get her to say “thank you.”  Instead she blew kisses.  We went through about three small cul de sacs before we headed home for dinner (wonderful hubby made meatloaf and mashed potatoes!)

Earlier that day all three of us started out with runny noses and sore throats.  Jaiden’s eventually turned into croup, with a fever that started on Wednesday.  Mine turned into bronchitis and sinusitis.  By Thursday I was out sick with Jaiden.  Thus far Brian had escaped any illness.

Friday night my symptoms changed drastically when I started throwing up.  It started around 9:30, and by 2:30 in the morning I was ready to go to the ER.  I called the emergency nurse number, and she said I could manage my symptoms at home, even though I was pregnant.  And, I had a low grade temp of about 99.6.

Saturday I woke up with 100.6, and had aches in my joints and other stomach issues.  I tried eating some dried toast for breakfast.  Only ate about a half a slice.  Then tried a banana (BRAT diet).  HUGE mistake!  Bananas are not so nice coming back up!  I tried to hydrate myself, but really couldn’t drink more than three sips of water an hour.  Finally around 4:30 I left for the ER.

After waiting in the waiting room for 2 hours, I finally got a bed and some IV treatment.  Sucked down two IV bags rather quickly.  The doc then came to see me, and announced that I had the flu, and they were going to admit me.  I was shocked as hell!  He then told me that since I was pregnant, I was 6 times more likely to die if I had complications.

I spent Saturday night in the observation unit (ironically one of the units I cover).  Sunday morning a different doctor (the third one I had seen by now), also expressed concern about me having the flu, and said I was going to be transferred to one of the hospital units.  Huh?!?!  Just after lunch I was transferred to a large private room, where again the day shift recognized me.

Monday afternoon a 4th doc finally came to see me, and said that she didn’t think I had the flu.  She discharged me home with some medications.  While I couldn’t have been happier to go home and sleep in a real bed, I disagree with her saying it wasn’t the flu.

I am still having some symptoms.  I went to the store today to get food and it just about wiped me out.  I am still having some stomach issues.  I did get the nose swab done, so I will know for sure if it was H1N1.  Unfortunately Brian did not escape unscathed.  Just as he arrived at work today he threw up.  He drove himself to the ER, and was eventually told that he does have the flu.  He also had the nose swab done, and was given Tamiflu.  I had been given that in the hospital, and had about 2 1/2 days worth of it.

Well, I guess that is enough of an update for now.  Oh, Jaiden is starting to put together sentences.  While I was in the hospital she would ask Brian “happened mommy?”  Which is her way of saying “what happened to mommy.”  Needless to say, she was happy to see me when I got home!

Trying something a bit different.  I am doing a public blog, with my pictures as being protected.  I think that means you have to be one of my friends inorder to see the pictures.  Let me know if it works

Yesterday we took J to the Pumpkin Station at our local mall.  She had a blast, and we laughed while watching her.  We were going to carve her pumpkin last night, but instead we had to go to Home Depot to buy a new dishwasher.  Joys of being a home owner.

Pregnancy is rolling along nicely.  I will be 18 weeks on Wednesday.  I can’t wear regular pants any more, but can still wear some tops.  Truly can’t wait until 11/11 to learn what we are having!

OK, here are the pictures…

They had a bouncy pumpkin, which she had a blast in!

If you are one of my friends on FB, you can see a video of her with the pumkins.  She was grabbing the tops and making funny sounds.

Tootles for now… have to get ready to have my car serviced and watch football.

Still alive.  Been super busy.  We have begun clearing out our computer room so we can move J in there soon.  We have about 23 weeks to go, and we only have weekends to work on it.  We both exhausted ourselves working on it.  May skip next weekend.

I do have lots to write about, my wonderful daughter.  But I have to get ready for work.  Soon… maybe by tomorrow night.  Tonight we are going to Monday Night Football.

Pictures for my fans.  Let me know if you are able to see them.  And yes, I just posted these on Facebook.  Dinner tonight brought lots of laughter… happy to share it with you.

Needless to say, she got a bath. 

I should wake up my napping husband and daughter.  But I thought I would take advantage of this quiet moment to do a quick update.

Pregnancy is rolling along nicely.  I am 14 1/2 weeks.  My next appointment is on 10/15.  My clothes are starting to get uncomfortable on me.  I actually pulled out my maternity clothes this week, and wore my maternity slacks on Friday.  Ooooh it felt so good!  Weight gain has been good.  I think just 3-4 pounds in the first trimester.  Not bad since I know I could do that in a weekend!  And the nausea is finally gone.  Yeah!

Still struggling with insomnia.  Some nights are better than others.  I did get it when I was pregnant with J.  There were times when I couldn’t sleep at all.

J continues to make us laugh and watch her in awe.  Last week B and I collapsed on the sofa and turned on the TV.  We were holding hands, just relaxing while J was playing on the floor.  When she realized we were holding hands she got up and peeled our finger apart and separated our hands.  We laughed and held hands again.  Again, she separated our hands.  She did this about three times.  Silly girl.  Oh yeah… and she has done this since then.

Last week we also took her shopping for some fall/winter clothes.  She mostly has summer clothes, so she needed a few items as there are days where it is cooler now.  After a nice dinner out we went to JC Penny’s.  It took us a while to get her to her section, as she wanted to see and touch everything.  Once she was in the section that had her size she went a little shopping crazy.  She started grabbing clothes off the rack, saying “mine.”  She got two outfits and socks, which she held on to tightly.  When it was our turn at the register she turned around and ran when we told her to hand her items to the clerk.  B had to chase her down, carry her over, and take the items from her clutches.  She was not content until she had her items in the bag, and she was carrying her bag.

Yup, she walked around the mall carrying her bag over her shoulder like it was a giant purse.  She would not allow us to help her out in any way.  We went to a few more stores, including The Pumpkin Patch.  Cute store, spent WAY too much.  But at least we got $50 in Pumpkin Patch Dollars which we can use in a few weeks.  Again, she had a blast shopping in that store too.  She would happily carry the clothes I handed to her.

So yes, we have a shopping diva… who likes clothes.  And shoes too!  My fabulous MIL took her to Walmart on Sunday while I was working.  She bought her a pair of Disney Princess light up shoes.  J sat in the cart with her shoes on, admiring them the entire time.

Well, it is getting late… I guess I should wake up my sleeping family.

I am still having sleeping issues.  It started affecting my work yesterday.  On Wednesday night I tried taking a Benedryl before going to sleep.  Woke up at 3 am.  Grrrr.  Last night I took it when I woke up at 3:30, never went back to sleep.  What is making me feel even more frustrated is that I work this weekend.  I may be able to take a nap when I get home.  I have Monday off because of working the weekend, and it is Yom Kippur.  Chances of me taking a nap that day are slim.  Although I am thinking of going home for a bit to take a nap with J, then returning for the afternoon service.  If it doesn’t get any better soon, I may call in sick on Tuesday just so I can try to catch up on my sleep.

Brian tore a muscle in his back.  He went to the ER on Wednesday because of the pain.  The doctor put him out of work until Monday.  We are both a little stressed about that… especially since this is his first week at this new job.  So far they seem to be understanding.  I guess we will see.

And, on a humorous note… yesterday I had to run to Vons to grab some snacks for the group I run.  I decided to walk over there early in the morning, before it got hot.  Just as I stepped out of the hospital I got a runny nose.  Well, turned out my nose was bleeding!  I didn’t realize that until I was in the parking lot of Vons.  I thought real quickly as to what I could do, as I was grabbing a receipt out of my purse to hold to my nose.  I passed by Kaiser’s genetics department, and headed around the corner to where I got help… Kaiser’s Blood Donor Center (which is located in the Vons shopping center.)  So yeah,  I got help with my bloody nose at the blood donor center.